The D Word

Well, of course, I am about to talk about the big episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. I’m not going to talk about what I think went wrong in the marriage or who’s fault because really who really knows. We have no idea what has really been going on in their hearts and minds. Although they have given us a look into their world and make it look easy at times, I’m sure that being a parent to twins and sextuplets is hard enough without having the scrutiny of America every time you turn around. While I am a reality tv watcher, I am always amazed that people will let cameras into their home. I don’t think I would ever do that. I think just knowing that all these people will be watching and waiting and wanting to give their two cents on how I should live my life wouldn’t be worth it to me. I think some things are sacred and when you invite America into your home, you will eventually lose some of that.

But what the show did stir up for me are my feelings about divorce. I am a child to divorced parents and I know the effects that it can have. While I was in my late teens and early twenties when my parents marriage really started coming to an end, I could see how it affected my little brother even more so. It really gets me angry when I hear people say that they are divorcing for the children and it’s in the children best interest for them to divorce. I don’t agree with that. I think that divorce is beneficial for the parents, but not for the kids, and no matter what, a child is best suited to be with BOTH their parents in a loving relationship. I am not saying that people should stay in abusive relationships – I do believe in separation until both can become healthly emotionally. But I just think that in today’s world, people do not hold the union of marriage as something sacred and something that is for life. When you get married, it’s FOREVER. It’s not until you feel like you can’t make it work.

Sometimes people are just amazed that Jeff and I have been married for ten years now (which really doesn’t seem like that long to me). I’ll tell you one of the reason why and it’s because we agreed that when we married it was FOREVER. We promised each other that we would never say the word divorce in our house. We have never let it be an option. Our options have been to work it out and well, work it out. We are not two special people that somehow have this supernatural cosmic bond, but we are two people.. two imperfect people.. that screw up all the time and know how to push each other’s button very well. But in the midst of that all that, we are also believers in God and Jesus, so we have Him to rely on when are good and when things get bad for us. We know and can rely in the restorative power that Jesus has over our lives. There is something about knowing there is no out and there is no other option but for us to make this work that makes you want to work for it. What’s your motivation to take the steps necessary to work it out if you know that at any time you can choose out and your partner might too?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think it’s a cop out to say – we are doing it because it the best for our kids. That’s giving yourself an easy out.

I hope that if you aren’t married yet that when the right person comes along in your life and before your say I do, that you have a long serious discussion about what it means to married and the commitment it entails. If you are married and if you haven’t already, maybe you can make a comittment in your own household to never say/threaten the “d” word letting your spouse know that you are 100% commitment to them and your marriage.

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