Reflections on 2009

This blog is long over due. There are so many times when I think I want to blog about something, but I have found that I just haven’t had the time or energy to sit down and write it. I wish I did. I know I also regret not being better about it. It’s always nice to see how much things have changed and how my feelings have changed over the years.

I honestly don’t know how to sum up 2009. It just went by crazy fast. There wasn’t a big theme of the year. It was a year of constant change. Just watching our daughter grow into a toddler from a baby was enough to keep us on our toes.

The highlight of the year was renewing our vows to celebrate a decade of marriage. I have a blog in a draft that I have nevered finished. It is titled, why murphy hates us. I know there are always things that don’t go as planned, but I think ours really took the cake. Despite all of the circumstances, I enjoyed having my moment with my husband to stand in front of our family and friends and renew our comitment to one another. I still can’t believe we have been together for 10 years. I’m not quite sure where all the time has gone. I just know that he has always and will always be the onlyone for me. I feel very fortunate for all the help that we got from our family and friends to make our renewal possible. I don’t think I can recall all of the things that went wrong, but the highlights of all that would have to be that my photographer ended up canceling due to an emergency and then our best man was rear ended by a truck while taking my sister-in-law (bridesmaid) and brother-in-law (groomens) to the church for the ceremony. Thankfully, no one was hurt! That would have been something missing 3 people of the bridal party, but the accident did leave Jeff’s sister shoeless, jewerlyless, and with coke spilled all over her bridesmaid’s dress. Thankfully, one of my other’s bridemaids was able to run home and get a pair of shoes and the coke on the dress was barely visible. So all in all, it really wasn’t that bad. There are so many other things that did go right and God really used this renewal to remind us just how much He loves us and how much we are blessed by the friends and family we have around us. That alone is priceless. 🙂

The weekend after our renewal we concieve our second child, who is due May 15th. I personally feel that it was God’s gift to us as way of blessing us after 10 years of marriage and as a gift to Kaylen (that weekend was her birthday as well). My second pregnancy really added to year flying by.

What some people may not realize that how busy of a life I lead. My husband and work opposite shifts, so it would only see him for a 10 minutes a day from Sunday afternoon to Friday when I got home. I worked eight hours a day, go home to pick up my daughter, spend the night taking care of her by myself, and repeat for four days, until Friday night when I got to spend time with the hubby. Now, at to all that being pregnant and trying to deal with tiredness and quezyness did not make for a very easy year. Not that I’m complaining, because our schedules where the best we could do for our family, but sometimes I don’t think people really get what it is to live my life. Not that you really could unless you have lived it yourself. I don’t think my life is any harder than anyone else’s because really it is all relative. We all have our own personal struggles and challenges that we try to make it through each day regardless if we are married, single, parents, or childless.

During the last couple months of the year, we were really bought back to our knees as we faced many financial challenges and personal challenges. December was by far the worst month of the year just due to trying circumstances. I do believe that God allowed it all for a reason. Sometimes, it is just good to remember how good you have it most days and to be thankful that for the most part, we don’t struggle on a daily basis.

I guess I would have to say that for the part… 2009 was about learning to be content in God’s will for us. Learning that I’m never going to have everything perfect. I’m never going to truly live the American Dream. But despite all of that, learning to be happy with who I am and with God has provided for me and my family. Being ok that it is my life and I love my life as it is with all the challenges I face. My ultimate dream would be to a stay at home mom raising our kids, but I can see that God doesn’t have that for us right now. I have learned to let go of the materlistic stuff of this world – knowing it is does not determine my worthiness in God’s eyes or the world’s eye. My focus remains on God and my family – I think those are two that I am most accountable too and for. Learing to have joy in all circumstances even the bad ones… which I must confess is not easy for me. I often want to lay down and give up, but I know and remember that I can only ask God to get me through this day.. I don’t need to get through the next month or year.. just today. Strangely enough, after years of struggleing with exactly that, I do feel I have made great progess in worrying less (although my husband may disagree) but I have grown in my faith and know that no matter what God is going to provide and I don’t have to or need to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. For all these reasons, is why in Janaury, I was able to do make a big leap of faith and leave everything that I had come to know as comfort. In a matter of a week, our lives drastically changes when I accepted a job in Salt Lake City, Utah. (That is another blog for another night) but I do really feel that God grew in my last year so that in 2010 I would be ready to take this leap of faith with God knowing that althought I don’t (and still don’t to this day) know how the transition is gong work, but I just trust in him daily to bring our family back togerther and make us whole again. It kills me to be without my husband and know that my daughter doesn’t have her daddy right now. We both miss him like crazy. But I believe with all of my heart that this is what God wants for our family.

So, I am thankful to all my family and friends who help us out this year – through financial challenges and just supporting us by giving us their time. As we all lead such busy lives in this day in age, I am thankful when those around choose to spend their time with us and help us out. I have realized that I have a hard time saying an actual thank you out loud at times, but I hope those around us know how we feel very thankful and lucky to have you around us.