While I’m Waiting..

I love music. I think it heals and cleanes the soul (or has the potential to). This song I can say expresses very much so how I am feeling about Ryan’s NICU stay… We are on Day 24…

John Waller – While I’m Waiting (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qc1i9ef9CM)

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve you while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Going on Week #3

I never thought Ryan would be in the NICU this long. It can’t believe it has been three weeks since we started this journey. Having this be the second time around for us having a baby in the NICU, I thought it would be similar to Kaylen stay and he would be out in a couple of weeks. Thank God, Ryan does not appear to have any major health concerns, despite being born at 33 weeks and 3 days. He was only on oxygen for about 3 days. Other than that, he just struggled with jaundice which responded to treatment and just learning to eat and building feeding endurance – so really nothing scary. Then, last week, he came down with an infection in his bowels – then my whole world changed and I learned this is a big difference between having a sick baby in the NICU and have a preemie baby that is just working on feeding. And my heart broke again for the umpteenth time in the past three weeks. I will never get use to seeing my baby in pain and not being able to do anything to help or fix it.

It’s been an emotional three weeks to say the least. Having a baby in the NICU is something I just don’t think you can fully get unless you had a baby in the NICU. Just like, you can’t fully understand what it is like being a parent, until you are one yourself. Not many know the pain of having a baby prematurely and having to leave your baby there every day. It’s not meant to be that way. Although I am very thankful for modern technology and the awesome nurses taking care of my baby; and know that my baby is the best place getting the best medical attention and – it doesn’t take away the emptiness and heartache I feel at leaving my baby there.

There is much more I could say, but I’ll just leave it at this. I love my baby boy, Ryan. I’m thankful to God for looking over him and keeping him safe. I’ve been trusting God with Ryan since he was conceived and know, while although I was praying for a full term pregnancy, for whatever reasons they are, Ryan was meant to be born prematurely. I been very appreciative all of the support from family and friends praying for our family. I’ve sorely needed the support for my husband and all the NICU moms who know exactly what I am going through. It’s nice to know that the feelings that I have are common and that other moms know to their core of their very own heart what I feel.

If you have said a kind word to me in the past three weeks, prayed for my family, and offered words of encouragement -know that I have taken all of it to heart and it was all something that I needed to hear and it has helped me get through this difficult time. I’m looking forward to taking Ryan home and regaining some kind of normalcy to our lives.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia