Love & Humility

A week or so ago, I posted this on FB (after seeing a friend posting it):

Food for thought: “What if you woke up today with only the things that you thanked God for yesterday?” My response was “I thank God every night for my family and for everything he has provided for us! Maybe I should be thanking for everything unseen that is yet to come as well.”

Since last night and for all of day, I have been pondering God’s unseen blessings. The thought has played over and over and over in my head. I felt a sense of thankfulness, but it was something more than just that…

This is my most recent status message on FB “I am really tired now. I ventured to the Hogle Zoo with just me and my two kids. It was worth it and really went well. Today, I’m thankful that I don’t always have to do it alone, for double strollers, ice-cold water, kids that are well-behaved, and God’s provisions. I am blessed to have my family and to have had today with them.”

I went to go check my husband’s FB profile and he wrote (much) earlier today, “So Sharon texts me at 1530 yesterday and says, “Hey, if you want to get a job doing fireworks, call this guy now.” So after a long drive to another town, and a longer evening wiring up 4, 5, and 6 inch shells, I’m wrapping up an all-nighter guarding several hundred fireworks. Didn’t see this coming at all.”

The fireworks that Jeff helped put together and then later babysit.

 

After commenting on his message, I just keep thinking about the change of events since just last night while I made Kaylen a peanut butter and honey sandwich.  I’m feeling blessed, so thankful, but there is still something else I am feeling, but I can’t seem to put my finger on it. And then it hits me……..

I am feeling humble. Humility.

It’s not an easy feeling to describe. For a while now, I have been hoping my husband would find an interest outside of our home. Since moving to Utah, he has been a stay-at-home dad. The environment in Utah is that for the most part, the husband works and the wife stays at home. It has been difficult for Jeff to find ways to connect with people outside of church and our home. We also could use some extra money (who couldn’t?). This year so far has not been an easy one for us. Through it all, I haven’t forgotten all of the daily blessings we have from God. I’m lucky that I have a job that allows us really to have just me work and that our kids can be watched by Jeff. Since Ryan was born prematurely, he has struggled with illness, and I don’t want to put him in  daycare. Connecting with people who have sick kids, people who have wanted kids and were unable, and people who have lost their kids-there is truly not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for my two precious kids. They bring so much joy to our life and to our marriage. I always feel God’s love for me on a daily basis and see in the small things. I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I have a car, I have central air in our home, we have clothes, we have a washer and dryer in our home, we have more toys than our kids play with in one day… the list goes on and on. I am thankful for each of things because at some point in my life (except the first) and I have had few or have gone without.

But what is humbling about Jeff finding a seasonal job is the showed me how God truly love me and my family. Not only did he provide a job that would help with our family needs, but it is something that Jeff would truly like doing. It is easy to say that I’m thankful that I have job, but much harder to find people who can say, I’m thankful for my job that I love doing. It’s perfect as it has the potential to provide extra income, but not something to where we need to find daycare or where I feel like I am missing my other half all the time and that I have to be a single mom. I’m thrilled at the idea that Jeff has the opportunity to be around some like-minded people (only few would get his answer of 42, when asked what is the answer to everything?).

This was a humbling moment, because I am certainly not the picture of perfect Christian. I fail my God more times than I please him. Even with that being said, I never doubt in my mind how much God loves me. He LOVES me. It is with a truly humble heart that I can say that, because I know that I don’t deserve it. My flesh struggles daily with unchristian thoughts and my tongue struggles with not repeating unchristian thoughts. I have been through enough in my life to know that God answers prayers. I believe that with my soul and every inch of my being. But it is truly humbling when God provides something when you were really expecting it. I didn’t really think that it would be possible for Jeff to get a job that would work around my job, still  have time for church activities and volunteering, and then to top it off, something that Jeff would like. He just dropped this opportunity in our laps and I feel like God is just saying how much he loves us. How he loves us even though it is undeserved and not something we were blessed with because we had worked so hard it to get it. We didn’t deserve it. It was just God saying to us (to me).. Hey, I love you and care about each detail in your life. I know you weren’t expecting it or deserve it, but I love you as my own children and here is a present for your family. Oh, how He loves us… how He loves us all.

Thank you, God, for all my counted blessings and for all the unseen ones as well.

“How He Loves” – David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves


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Oh, I’m still a dreamer…

 

“Redeemer” – Sanctus Real http://youtu.be/Xl-3bZn2C0U

Sometimes I just want to start over, ’cause everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on, ’cause I can’t see what’s ahead
And there are places I’ve wished I could be, battles I’ve wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never get back again

But I’m still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I’ve lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
‘Cause You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer
But I’d rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
‘Cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

And I’m still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I’ve lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
‘Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
Oh, I’ve given up on too many things, but I’m not giving up on You
‘Cause You can make anything new

I don’t have every answer in life
But I’m trusting You one day at a time
‘Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, I’m still a dreamer (This is where heaven and earth collide)
(I lift my hands and give my life)
Still a believer (This is how my weary heart stays alive)
Oh, You are the answer (Oh, this is where Heaven and Earth collide)
(I lift my voice and give my life)
The redeemer (This is how my weary heart stays alive, oh)

‘Cause You can make anything new
Yeah, You can make anything new

Capturing one moment

I am sorely behind in posting. I just wanted to capture (and remember) one moment.

Friday morning, I was supposed to get up early. I wanted to try to get up. My eyes were heavy and my head did not want to lift up from the pillow. I stayed in bed longer than I should, but it was worth, because my husband got the kids up. He changed Ryan and let him crawl into bed with me. His skin to my skin. The warmness. He stuck his little thumb in his mouth and snuggled into me. Heaven. Ryan is getting to be such a big boy now that he hardly ever wants to just sit still and cuddle. That is why this moment was so precious and worth staying in bed just a little longer than I should have.

I love my husband and the precious kids God has gifted me with. I am ever so thankful for God’s abundant blessings in my life.