Early Intervention

So after much trepidation and worry, I finally decided to call Early Intervention for Ryan. I kept going back and forth on whether to make the call or not. Trying to take in the information from everyone – most say he will start talking on his own when was ready. I shouldn’t worry. But I’m a mom, I can’t help but to worry. I keep trying to chalk it up to Ryan being “strong-willed” and very “determined.” Those are nice “words” for stubborn. Most people like to remind me that I should read to him every day, that I need to use constant repetition, that I shouldn’t give in to his screaming and shouting, that I should toughen up. I readily admit that I probably do give him more than I should, but when you are on the verge of tears and your child is screaming their head off, there got to be some point when my being stubborn and refusing to give in until he talks, just isn’t productive any more. I’m really just a ball of nerves. Did I not try enough hard enough? Is is my fault that Ryan won’t say mommy and daddy?? Should I have persisted when I gave in because I couldn’t handle his screams anymore?? Making that call to Early Intervention was the hardest call I had to make. It was like a part of me admitting that somehow I had failed my son. While I know I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. My daughter was talking before she was year old and signing as well. With Ryan, even though I had gotten some practice with Kaylen, it just what we have done isn’t enough. Sure, Ryan didn’t get as much attention as Kaylen (as she was an only child), but I don’t feel like I just gave us trying to teach him how to talk and communicate. I’m just dying on the inside to hear Ryan says “Mama” and look at me with those longing eyes. While on the outside, I just try to keep up the facade that doesn’t bother me every day that, while he is two, he has yet to say simple words like “Mama” and “Dada.” The only word that he says regularly is “bye bye.” Maybe I have just been uber concerned this whole time and after his evaluation, they will tell me I have nothing to worry about and I’m just a super over-worried, over-stressed mom. I would love if that was the case. I know Early Intervention will help us learn techniques to better help us to teach how to get Ryan to communicate more. But as someone told me.. Oh, you are going to end up like one of those moms on Super Nanny when they have the train the parents… I guess maybe that is a part of parenthood.. wondering if somehow you failed your child and if you could have, should have done something differently. Anyone that knows my heart, know just how much I love my kids to pieces and that I desire to do everything right to raise them up properly. I just hurts to hear someone else say your fears out loud. Making the call to Early Intervention I know is the best decision I could have made and I know that I will do whatever I can to help Ryan continue to improve his speech and his communication. I just needed to “talk” and work though some of these feelings….

4 thoughts on “Early Intervention

  1. You are so not alone! I think almost every mother feels that way at some point about some aspect of raising and making sure their child has the best. My third child, first boy, was born at 31 weeks. He didn’t walk until almost 18 months. At about 14 months we had him evaluated be EI. They said he may qualify for one session of OT a month but they thought he was just fine. And he was. We didn’t do EI. Then he language stalled not to long after that. We took him to the ENT and Audiologist and he had fluid behind his ears. He got tubes and he had an explosion of language. He had stalled out again and is a little behind with language for a 3 year old. The ENT recommended we call the preschool for a speech evaluation just in case there may be some delay or damage from the ear infections he had or the tubes but he’s had another burst of language. I keep thinking maybe I should call anyway, but I keep putting it off.
    It’s hard not to worry, It’s hard to think that something may be wrong. I know that no matter how much people tell you it’s almost impossible to not feel any guilt. If he does need some help with it all, it is in no way your fault!

  2. You are not alone at all in feeling that way….I think it’s just a protective instinct that every mother has of hurt and pain if their kids don’t ‘meet the requirements’ that have been set for their age. The thing we have to remember is that every child is an individual and every child develops and progresses at their own pace, on their own time. I remember with my oldest son, I always felt the same way you’re feeling right now….I just happened to have him the same time that my sister-in-law had her son and I always felt bad because her son crawled at 6 months and walked before a year, and my son, even though he was full term, didn’t crawl until he was like 10 months and didn’t walk until 15. I sometimes made myself sick over it. Back then I did everything I could to protect him…from what I thought was other people making fun of him…while inside I was hurting so bad. Now that I look back on it, all my stress was warranted, but unnecessary. He is completely normal and caught up and right on track with where he should be now at 8 years old. My two kids after him were just as slow when it came to crawling and walking….and I’m ok with it. As you know, my baby Katea was born at only 24 weeks. I know she’ll be developmentally delayed, because she was born early. Whether she’ll be just as delayed as my older 3, or even more…I’m not sure, but I’ll be there to help her along the way, and I’m ready for it. I already get visits from EI, for Katea. They’ve taught me a lot of techniques to help her catch up to her adjusted age…and I’m doing them, but I need to just remember that she will do things in her own time! As much as it hurts to see them progressing slower than they should…..they are miracles and we celebrate their lives! It’s not your fault at all….not one little bit! He’ll get there! Hang in there and know you’re not alone! Maybe get him checked like the comment above….maybe it is something like fluid behind his ears that are attributing to him not speaking yet….it’s worth a shot! I also think boys develop a little slower than girls….at least that’s how it’s been for me!

  3. You are a wonderful mother, never doubt that. Parenting is HARD. Add to that the special needs of our preemies and it’s a whole other ballgame. You are doing everything you can for him. You made that call. It could be all for naught and he could be just fine. LIke Sarah said, this is in NO way your fault. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t cause this. But if this is a problem, you are getting the help needed to help him succeed and thrive. Great job mama. (((hugs)))

  4. It breaks my heart to hear that you think you have failed your son in any way. I agree with Lisa, you are doing all you can. Making the call to EI is a great idea, it does not make you any less of a mom and it does not mean you’re failing as a parent, it actually means that you are doing what a great mom would do and that is get your son evaluated to see if there is extra help that he needs and qualifies to receive through their programs. ~hugs~

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